Update - The Change

well i know i didn't post any articles lately, a lot of things happened in the last few weeks
well lots of thoughts to be exact, my brain didn't stop working, I just had a lot in mind. In fact I emo quite a lot, surprisingly haha. Actually I have a few emo posts but I kept them as drafts la since i don't really like to post too emo stuffs in my blog. And you know la, when I start emo-ing, i can write a lot of non-sense wan haha

anyways, after edexcel results came out, I was trying my best to look for universities, to be precise, look for scholarships for me to study Pharmacy. I really searched the internet, called the JPA and universities. Whenever I see a link that says Scholarship for Undergraduate my eyes will light up but turned dim in the next second whenever I see the word (Pharmacy or Medicine Degree are not applicable) Then most of the scholarships are given to Engineering students, Accounting and Business students and some other super rare courses. Some don't state the field, but they only sponsor to a maximum amount, which is not even half the tuition fees for Pharmacy.

Some friends and relatives asked me to apply for this scholarship, that scholarship. but really, not that I don't want to apply, but they just don't sponsor for Pharmacy students!!! Honestly I was kinda stressed out. Everyone thinks that my parents are some rich people, but the truth is they are not okay! I don't blame my parents for that. I know what my family's financial situation is. And let me tell you, the reason I worked so hard is to make sure they don't have to spend a single cent on tuition fees. yes, not a single cent. that's my aim. I haven't really gave up....thinking that God will help me somehow.

At the mean time I felt sorry for my parents, there's always moments where I really hated myself. Why on earth did I chose A-Levels? If I went for STPM things might have been easier. The fees are definitely cheaper right. Sometimes my mom will blame herself that she should have persuaded me to take STPM. I felt really bad, I was too naive back then, thinking that as long as I have good results I can go anywhere I want. But reality is just cruel. Sorry daddy and mommy....

Then there was a day where I went back to college and met my lecturer. She asked me what I want to study, well it's not the first time she asked that question, and my answer never changed, I told her, I want to study Pharmacy. So she gave me some advice and opinion, and asked me to think carefully again, and yes, it's not the first time she said that either. But this time, I really went home and think deeply again, and this time I discussed with my parents. So at that day, I thought about why did I want to study Pharmacy, and the only answer in my head was "I want a stable life, stable salary, stable work." But I knew the reason behind that answer. I had too much fear. After seeing how my parents always have to worry about money, I guess I really didn't dare to have a challenging job. Then i started to picture myself, staying at a pharmacy counter everyday, giving out the same flu pills, and cough syrup. I kinda cringed at the thought. "maybe I really don't wanna live that way."

At the very same day, my parents told me about Economics. I swear I never ever thought of economics before! But somehow, after my parents explained to me about that field, I was really interested. It's like there was a voice telling me that this is the right thing to do. I started to look into some websites, read some articles, and also course structure. I thought about what I used to say, I said I want a job that can help people. So I thought maybe that's something I'll never get to do, then my dad was there, he told me, "If you really excel in economics, you can be the country's doctor, u save the country", n i swear he said it with a hopeful tone lol. But for some reason, I was motivated, the thought of improving this already beautiful country, help it to develop, make good use of the resources, people will be living in good environment, being able to buy things they want. I wont be just helping people from the neighbourhood, but possibly the whole nation. Okay la, I'm dreaming too much haha....but I believe it is not impossible though. So it didn't took me long to make my decision. Yes, I decided to study economics.

Well of course I'm abit scared now, since I've never touched economic books at all. All I did was read through some pages of The Edge. well some of my friends are surprised and asked why did I chose something so different. Honestly, I don't find it very different lorrr, it's still science! It's SOCIAL SCIENCE! the knowledge behind it is quite interesting and basically u need to be a lot of things at once, the historian, the mathematician, the investigator, the analyzer, the planner, the doctor and lots more. but of course I'll need to learn a lot of new terms and there will be a whole lot of theories and principles waiting for me haha...very ganjiong and scared now actually....

Anyways I found out UTAR actually have a degree in Global Economics. and the best part is, I don't have to pay the tuition fees yay! mission accomplished hehe...My parents and family members do support my decision, n I just met my lecturer and she's happy with my decision too. Yay! I'm so happy and positive now.
well of course I'm still sad for the fact that I never get to learn the knowledge behind drugs and healthcare, but I'll find a way to learn about it some day!! Learning is never too late right. For now I just want to fulfill my obligations as a young adult, as a daughter, in the happiest way I can.

Oh no I think this post got abit emo, bear with me la :D

anyways just wanna share what my teacher said, about choosing a course. She said that we shouldn't just choose the course simply because we are interested with the knowledge. We have to picture where and what are we going to do with the knowledge and is it exactly the kind of life that we want. Like in my case, I was interested in Pharmacy, but that doesn't mean I'm suitable to live a life as a Pharmacist, everyday same time, same place, same routine, same medicine. You might say you don't necessary have to be a pharmacist, you can still work as admin executives or maybe own a pharmacy. Then why should you take such difficult course when u end up not using it. well it's not her exact words larrr, but I'm sure that's what she wanted to tell me. Her words really made me think deeply again, I'm really grateful that I have a teacher like her.

kk hopefully uni is gonna be fun....